Inspirational, Celebrational, Muppicational

David Lee Roth once said, "I don't feel tardy." But I, personally, am. Tardy. Apologies. This was supposed to be done yesterday, as Chad reminded me a few minutes ago when he called me up and got all huffy.

First, Smoove wanted to pass on his best holiday wishes to everyone. Right now he's giving his new Keith Sweat's Greatest Horny Jams CD a spin and isn't available for comment. I, too, hope you all had a lovely, sparkling holiday. Kel and I did. One gift Santa brought promises to keep on giving...24 times, 30 minutes at a time. That would be the Season One DVD of none other than The Muppet Show. Don't even pretend you don't remember. We're all old enough here.

I epulugeeze-a fur beeeng su lete-a veet thees refeeoo, boot pleese-a stey veet me-a noo es ve-a refeeoo Veek 16

True story. McCravens e-mailed me midweek last and asked me to check out his spot in the standings. As many of you are aware, the jackbooted Kohl's Websense thugs prevent him from doing this himself. He was clearly trying to gauge the amount of risk to inject into his picks for Week 16. Play it safe or shoot the moon?

Well, Mike is mostly out of the running for the whole-season prizes, and I told him so. And he shot the moon. Next time, I will lie remorselessly. So congratulations to Mr. 14-on-Detroit. This week's jackpot is yours. Congrats also to Dan Franklin, our runner-up this weekend.

A few personal football-related shout outs:

Kirk Bell, who did indeed turn 40 yesterday, Kirkmas Day. A little ol' celebratory shindig here in town is penciled in for the evening of January 12. Details to follow.

Marlene Margulius and her delightful daughter, who I bumped into at Barnes & Noble last weekend. Good luck with the wedding. It will be easier than doing picks in Week 17.

Chad Lanning. Update? I got yer update right here!!

Grant Tullar (age 10). Grant, if you happen to read this and you did watch football last Sunday, I wish I could explain what you saw. Keep practicing. I've seen you catch a ball and you're already better at it than Jon Ryan.

Bill Belichick. We all wish the Patriots fire ants in their shorts lots of luck against the Giants.

Overall, it's Brother Jim coming up on the inside. I don't know if anyone can catch him. In fact, I am sure his run of consecutive weeks leading this thing (15) is unprecedented in Friends of Smoove B history. You will be relieved to learn I didn't keep enough stats through the years to prove that though.

And at the other end of the spectrum....what can you say about Bill Gullo? Even when he loses, he wins.

Oh, sweet relief! There is no game Thursday night. Picks are due Saturday afternoon, as there is a game that evening.