Better Than You. Almost.

Jeff "Amy" Dunn almost Dunn it again. He was perhaps one Adrian Peterson fumble away from being, I think, the first four-time winner in pool history. But it was not to be, and that means first-time winner Ben Urquhart has new BFF in Hunter Hillenmeyer and $50. He and a friend can buy a round of two beers (three during happy hour) in any Chicago tavern with this kind of windfall.

For what it's worth, down in second, you see my brother and me tied, right down to the Monday night points. Isn't that interesting? No, it isn't.

We're down to our last and the road to winning this thing goes through Dan Franklin, who has leads of 12, 14, 15, 19, respectively, over his closest competitors. The top three pay out, as discussed way back when. On the other side of the tracks, Bill, who has been resting his starters since about week six, has all but locked up the Roo Award.

Good luck in this last go around. Note that all games are played on Sunday this week. Must be some "end-of-the-decade" promotion by the NFL or something.

I can't believe Y2K was X years ago.

Good evening from...

...ice-encrusted Milwaukee. Or is it morning now? December has been a blur, but mercifully, National Shopping Month is almost over.

Quick shout out to my boy Roo for ekeing out a win last weekend by the barest of margins. Ironic, then, that I reveal tonight that with only two regular season football weekends remaining, the frontrunner for the Rooha face-plant trophy, that fabled award named after Chris himelf, is Bill Gullo. Bill's intentions are clear; his point total is lower than two of you who actually missed your picks at some point. Meanwhile, in more respectable quarters, I see no less than half a dozen of you in a logjam at the top, all with realistic shots at finishing in the money. Two weeks...

Bill, I'm a huge Bears fan this week. I hope to see picks. Picks picks picks. Long picks, short picks, pick-sixes, quick-picks, heck, even nose-picks if your boys want to, as long as they beat up on the Purple Problem.

Speaking of picks:

The early game this week is Friday evening, aka Kirkmas Night. Have 'em in before you settle in for a long winter nap.....and best wishes for a peaceful holiday to all.

Hat Trick

By now you know that "Amy Dunn" won Week 14 and in doing so completed a most improbable achievement, this being "her" third freaking win of the season (and there's still three weeks left).

"Amy" is really "Jeff", however - here I thought my sister had really tipped over and started spending all her time studying the west coast offense - but no, it turns out her husband been frontin' all season long.

While I scheme ways to punish this transgression, I should also remind you that there is in fact a game tomorrow night, Thursday, and picks will be due as usual. You know what they say...you want the NFL, go to Jeff Dunn.

PS: as of today, all y'all are PAID UP for the season. Financials can be found in their usual place.

Have you done your picks....

...punk?

No lie kids, this is week 14 we're looking at, and as per usual late in the season, picks are due at least one hour before the game tomorrow (Thursday) evening.

You may be interested to know that if the pool continues next year, I'll be adjusting the rules so that weekend games can be picked independent of the hated Thursday game.

Congrats to Peter Graber, winner of the Week 13 jackpot...seems so long ago....

Quick note on the Roo Award, for those of you who recall what that is: we have a clear frontrunner. He's trying to remain anonymous and go about this quietly, but he cannot escape the steely gaze of the commish. Perhaps that's because the commish is doing nearly as bad.

Stay warm.

Nothing To See Here

Congratulations to Team Dean & Marlene, they of the unconventional strategy that usually (but not this week) involves putting 16 on one of the two Monday night teams. Look out if this new one they're trying out starts working.

With just five weeks remaining, the newly-formed "1200 club" has four members, led by Mrs. Friend Of Smoove B. She has spent this football season kicking all kinds of ass, whether it be here in the pool, or in the fantasy league she's currently tied for first in, or in knowledge of certain girlie reality TV. But no need for panic. Rich, Steve, Jim, Dan, Mike, Rick, and Amy...you're all still very much in the running toward becoming America's Next Top Model for cash awards just after the new year arrives.

Very late on the update this week. Kelly just freed me from my car with a five-iron. As I said earlier, nothing to see here.

Congratulations to Sis And Swedish Cooking Tips

Hello everyone. Quick note of congratulations to Amy Dunn, who won the most recent weekly payout going away. Although I don't know what she was going away from. Amy is the season's first two-timer, having also pulled this winning crap on us back in mid-October.

She has recently revealed that her husband Jeff does all the picks on her behalf. This works out rather well, seeing as how Jeff also pays all the winners on my behalf. So I got that goin' for me.

We now take a brief timeout for Thanksgiving cooking tips, in honor of the holiday this week.

Aaand, cut. Happy T-Day to all, and let this message also be your reminder that there are three, count 'em three, games on Thursday. Picks are due early on Thursday morning.

A Fashion-Forward Recap

Those of you who spend any time at all watching the tube on Sunday afternoons know the 'do that's in style in football now, dreads. Let's face facts. Every guy here has daydreamed at one time or other about trying to bring off this look, and we all, I think, wisely let it go at that. But still, who wouldn't want to run a skinny post to the house or a pick-6 the other way, sporting the flowing locks of, say...

...Larry Fitzergald?

...or Chris Johnson?

...or Al Harris?

...or even this week's jackpot winner, buttoned-down attorney and all-around great guy, Aaron Lytle?

Perhaps I overdid the caffeine a little today. Congrats to Aaron. And Pete and Mike, great seeing you guys, and your entry fees, at the Marquette game tonight. Have a good week everyone, and don't forget that there's a game Thursday night.

Millions and Millions Upset

I have little to say tonight after investing, once again, too many hours in professional football. I had a shot at the jackpot going into MNF, but I watched my chances fade with every Knowshon Moreno rushing attempt for -2 yards against the Steelers D. And the Packers, argh, who so many of us live and die by, are clearly in midseason form, if we're talking about the 1986 season.

Congratulations to that young upstart Roo on taking the fifty this week. Updated financials - those of you who still need to ante up, take heed - can be found here.

Meanwhile, a representative of the NFL Network has a special message for you below:

What he said.

And the Vomit Award goes to...

Once upon a time I would send out a little note covering the scenarios as to who would win the weekly prize(s) before the pivotal games were actually played. Then I got (lazy/busy/sleepy/trapped under something heavy) and stopped doing this, with rare exceptions. But that's not really what this is about.

No, I found some time to write this afternoon because of the disgust that accompanied the emotionally-charged and victorious return of former Packer kicker Ryan Longwell to Lambeau Field, wearing the colors of the hated arch-rival Minnesota Vikings. And though the Pack eventually made a game of it, the coverage was too much to take. I really didn't want to throw up on my shoes, what with Longwell's will-he-or-won't-he come back for another season shtick and his desperate need for the spotlight. So I focused instead on less-disgusting things, like this place of business I recently rode my bike past.

Yeah, that's what's printed on their signs and everything. I mean, wow, how does a conversation with these guys begin?

"Hello, Cargill Meat Solutions."
"Hi, I have a problem with meat."
"Well, you've certainly called the right place. We offer all kinds of solutions related to meat. Our most effective is a formula consisting of one part window cleaner, one part vinegar, and two parts ground chuck."
"Great! Sounds like the solution I need."

Anyway, that got my mind off football, briefly.

Back to our two contenders. Though Dan Franklin, currently leading us all, chose the Saints tomorrow night, he wants them to lose, because if this happens, things stay as they are and Dan wins. If New Orleans beats Atlanta, he will be overtaken by Joel "Fred Glitch" Van Kylen. I'd offer a prediction that this is going to go Joel's way, but given my standing this year in the pool (treading water), I think I will not.

Have a great week everyone. May it end a lot better than it started.

Annual Swine Flu Edition

Congratulations to Kristin Kaczmarek this week, as she narrowly edged out Steve Krier for the weekly jackpot. The margin of victory here in the pool stands in stark contrast to the five or six silly-ass blowouts this past weekend. The Rams play at Detroit next weekend in the Toilet Bowl, with kickoff expected to instantly turn Ford Field into anti-matter.

Kristin will be interested to know that her last winnings in the Friends of Smoove B football pool came in October of 2006, back when we were all young and the world was new. If you ask how I know this, you clearly haven't seen me in my pocket protector. Anyway, great job Kmkaz.

It's only Tuesday, but people in my urban neighborhood are getting an early start on Halloween. Some guy dressed as Jay Cutler just tried crossing a busy street and got picked off. Ouch.

On a personal note, I'd like to send a love-o-gram out to all three AFC North teams that played last weekend on their accomplishments, or lack thereof. Keep up the good work, yo.

That is all for now. Please feel free to wash your hands as you exit this post, and have a great week.

You've Got Mail!

For those of you who thought the throwback thing jumped the shark last week when the Denver Broncos trotted out those stylish 1880's-era knickers, I have just one thing to say to you:

The past never dies. Click here to see something really funny! Promise!

Also, Bill Gates called and wants some help testing his new email tracker, plus there's a kid in Libya with four arms who needs your financial help. Let me know if you're interested in assisting with either of these.

Had enough throwback? Oh no you haven't.



That'll do. I don't want to give anyone nightmares.

Quick note of congratulations to this week's winner, Joe Mittnacht, who weathered the twin storms of the Jets losing and the Raiders winning, the latter apparently without any assault charges against their head coach. Nice job Joseph.

I return you now to 2009.

Not Going Anywhere For A While?

Between this pool and my fantasy league and whatnot, that was the gist of my football weekend. And with the Pack on a bye, all I could do was hope that Maurice Jones-Drew kicked ass against the Seahawks (he didn't), that the Rams showed up and kicked ass over the Vikings (they didn't), and that Tom Cable didn't show up to kick my ass for no apparent reason (he didn't).

Anyway, let's talk about something else, like baseball, where the Cleveland Browns defeated Buffalo, 6-3.

Maybe someone knows the business reason was for the Cubs bankruptcy declaration the other day. I've read the stories and still don't understand it. Or why the Yankees bother to deliriously celebrate their dearly-bought victories. It's sort of like GE execs high-fiving each other for being more profitable than Joe's Bait Shop.

Back to football, and plaudits go to my sister Amy out in the great Northwest for her ongoing, uncanny accuracy. So after hosting mom for the last week or so, she not only gets 50 bucks in winnings but also probably has the cleanest toaster in the Puget Sound region. Good job sis. At least YOU had a good weekend.

Have a good (remainder of the) week.

I need to stop beating this dead horse.

But The Onion has completely outdone itself this time.

One Night Ago....In A Dome Not Nearly Far Enough Away...

"The Metrodome...you'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."

"Darth Viking was a pupil of mine...before he turned to evil...."

That's no moon...it's Pat Williams."

Alright, so in times of trouble, some of us turn to booze. I opted for Star Wars. Sorry. It won't happen again. But I mean, seriously, how much am I supposed to take? Even this week's jackpot winner is Bill Gullo, a freeeekin Bears fan. Let me guess. The Twins probably won tonight. Yes? And what's that I hear outside? Oh, someone kicking puppies. Lovely.

To better times.

Week 3

I was sure the unexpected re-emergence of Dokken into pop culture last week foretold a Kirk Bell victory. He came close too, only two points behind, but along with Joe and Tim, he was held off by none other than Mrs. Commissioner, Kelly. Had a Swedish death metal band appeared in a commercial recently, then maybe I'd have predicted her win. Just kidding hon.

Going into the fourth weekend, the rookie Tim Mitchell (this happens all the time) is out front in the season-long race. As such, and per rule 1.77 sec A, Tim will be expected to produce a properly notarized birth certificate if he wishes to maintain his exalted position in the Friends of Smoove B football pool.

That's all for now.

Surprise Midweek Post

This can only mean one thing. Kirk is going to win Week Three. Those who know him know what I'm talking about.

There are some who call him...

Holla and props to Tim Mitchell, who, despite rampant upsetting upsets, eked out a 90 this weekend to take the Tuesday morning holy grail. I've known Tim for quite some time by way of softball, but this is his first appearance in the football pool. You may ask: Where has he been all this time?

Ordinarily I'd ask him for a bio, but I think that just about sums up his early adult life. Since then, I understand he's been LIVING in a VAN down by the RIVER.

Some of you may have noticed two records in the standings for my sister Amy. She's not double-dealing or anything; as you can see she's only playing one hand. Somehow a dupe got into the pool and I have not been able to fish it out just yet. Maybe I'll try to take care of that tonight. Or not.

But anyway, have a great week.

A Seismic Victory

I have to admit I haven't thought too much about football for a few days. Sarah Schneider, perhaps in some kind of cosmic alignment with the NFL team that makes its home in her town, erupted for 132 points and is the Week One champ.

You knew this, of course. Here's a picture of it happening:


I'm coming to you live from the volcanic island known as Maui, which should go a long way to explaining why the football pool finances have been about as far from my mind as the outcome of any random NBA game ever played. I know I have to make mention payouts this season, but I've been easily distracted. Here is a picture of some mangoes:


They're just unreal here. Crack addicts should be given this stuff when they're coming down.

Anyway, the numbers.

Total pool: 25 players @ 50 = 1250

Weekly prize: 50 x 17 weeks = 850

This leaves 400 to divide amongst the overall winners. I propose:
225 for first
125 for second
25 for third

The water here is just impossibly blue. I don't have a picture handy, sorry.

In addition to the above payouts, 25 will go to the person who gets picks in every week but finishes with the worst point total overall. We affectionately call this the Roo Award.

The financial page is here.

I'm sorry, that was a lie. Try this one.

For those of you who have sent in entry fees this past week, your payments will be reflected as soon as we pick up our coconuts, er, mail. Good luck to you in Week Two.

This Is The Week

Happy Labor Day everyone.

I'm not even sure who's all in the pool this year yet, but that's not unusual for the few days leading up to kickoff of the regular season.

For those in confidence pools like this one, this is probably the only week of pro football besides Thanksgiving where a Thursday night game is not unwelcome. So if you're in this year, let this be a reminder to get your picks in on Thursday by 5 p.m. CDT, latest. Thursday is 9/10...that being one day after, um, 9/09.

12

The Friends of Smoove B football pool rides again, now in its 12th season of laughter, tears, and made-up stories about your friends and family members who participate. This season promises to feature all kinds of interesting theater, whether it's Al Davis removing his teeth on camera or Dallas Cowboy tailbacks running headlong into the scoreboard at their new stadium, you'll read all about it here. Like it or not.

If you've been with us in prior seasons, you don’t need to do anything other than check your account at CBS Sportsline and update whatever needs updating. If you're new, the short version is this: you buy into the league for $50. Your $50 entry is good for the season. Every week you assign a confidence value to each game being played, putting 16 on the game your most sure of and counting down from there to 1 (3 or 4 once the bye weeks start).

Weekly payouts of $50 for first and a to-be-determined amount for second will be the rule as usual; season-long payouts are determined by the number of participants, but usually, the top three spots pay out something. Yours truly keeps nothing (unless I win a week, but that never happens anyway).

As for where to go with entry fees, my address is unchanged, but if you need it again, just send me an email or message on Facebook and I'll get it to you. Or I might see you in person. In fact, I might be watching right n...nevermind.

The season starts Thursday September 10th at 7:30 pm central time. Picks are due two hours prior to the first game each week (and for several weekends this fall, I will likely be unavailable to accomodate those who miss the deadline).

"Chili, I can't wait to be your boss, I mean, play for you."

Okay, that'll do.

Now And Then

Photoshop + Tim Mitchell's graphical skills = Preseason trash goodness.

Then


Now

Hurricane Bill

Today a familiar name showed itself in my inbox, one Bill Gullo. His name has come up a lot in this space over the last couple years, as many of you are painfully aware. He begins the season as a light breeze but within days can spin up into a full blown tropical gale.

This was a handy reminder to me that it is August. It is nearly time to say nighty-night to the Brewers and start thinking about football. The pool returns for season....12, I think. Details forthcoming.

Tournament Recap

Those of you who participate in my NFL confidence pool know the name Bill Gullo well. He takes your money and mine with startling regularity. Add the whole Chicago Bear fan thing to the blender and you can be forgiven for all the adult language rolling around in your head. Bill wins. Bill wins. Dude, I did see your email this afternoon, and damn right you're taking me to lunch.

I'm ticked. I just turned in my worst personal showing since the days of Mike Deane trolling the Ardmore or whatever it was then, scoping out chicks with one eye and the Disaronna with the other. Herein I offer big congratulations to our top three:

Bill: 140

Anita: 40

Carol: 40

Those of you with sharp eyes will see that we had a tie for second, and as I did not allow for this, the two ladies will split the payout for second and third evenly.

These payouts will be issued just as soon as I have enough to pay out. Which brings me to our last shining moment: I need entry fees from several of you. Check out the balance sheet here, and note the last column. If there's a ten there, the trio above are looking at you.

Thanks for playing everyone. See you in the fall!

Brewers fans, check this little piece of justice out.

Inevitable NCAA Tournament Post

"And then, depression set in"

I should never wait until my team has been eliminated before posting the payout information for this year's Big Dance pool.  Here I had this whole witty bit ready to go, so good you probably would have forwarded it to all your friends and given it its own fan club on Facebook.

But now...it's March Moroseness.

Nevertheless, we soldier on. There are 22 of you on board, and that will translate to a payout of, in reverse order:
3) $10
2) $70
1) $140

The always-crucial finances are posted in this here worksheet.

I haven't done any math just yet, but I did notice that Morally Bankrupt and Connie's Cast went a little off the reservation with their national champs, and in the past, having that horse come has led to very good things, simply because no one else did it.

Have a good week. Please get those entry fees in.

Public Service Announcement

Thanks to my friend John for reminding me that a national college football champ will be decided tonight, thus ending the season with the usual thud that comes with the thoroughly arbitrary and possibly Machiavellian way in which the BCS decides who gets to play in such contents. I think you should read this tonight instead. Or watch The Office.

In other business, all winner checks have been mailed or otherwise delivered, so if yours has not shown up, please let me know.