That's a Buffalo Wrap.

The following conversation took place moments ago. It was at least a little bit related to the results of the final week of the 2008 Friends of Smoove B football pool, which saw a house divided going into Sunday night. I needed Denver and Kel needed San Diego, and we all know how that turned out. Kel thus won her third weekly prize, against the donut I posted, this season.

"Well, I feel kind of bad about beating you again. You can have my winnings this week. Maybe you can buy one of those blue cheese things at Flannery's."

"Um, did you mean a Blu-Ray player at Flanner's?"

"Sure, that."

"I'm not sure $50 will cover it."

Now just for the record, Flannery's has a buffalo chicken wrap with bleu cheese dressing that is completely excellent.

Speaking of excellence, it is now time to recognize the overall winners, now that the regular season has concluded. You may recall the winnings will be distributed as discussed in this post.

We begin with Gina "The Warrior Princess" Mittnacht, who unleashed a can of whoopass a few weeks ago and basically never looked back. Well-played Gina. 250.

In second we have Team Sanders, who ran out of whoopass a couple weeks ago but did have a can of Chunky Soup at the ready, and they held on for second, by a scant four-point margin. Nicely done. 150.

Pete Graber takes third, having unleashed a can of pinto beans on Rick Tulloch, who came within that same four point margin of a money spot. 75 to Pete.

And this year's Roo Award goes to Team Dean & Marlene, who unleashed a half-empty can of sour Redi-Whip on the rest of us, and thus lock up the last 25 bucks I have to send out this week. They achieved the lowest point total of the season, without ever having missed doing picks.

So, to attend to business: the financials are here. The most important column is the rightmost one. If you see a number in parentheses there, that is ME owning YOU (and checks are going out this week). If you see a zero, we're straight. If there is a positive number there, i.e., a number not in parentheses, that's YOU owing ME your entry fee. I'm looking at two of you. I don't think I made any mistakes on this, but it can't hurt to check and advise me of any errors.

And that's about all there is. Be sure to check this space along about March Madness time, for those of you into college basketball, and assuming we do this football thing next year, I will be finding a way to exclude the Thursday night games. Take that, NFL Network scum.

To all of you, the happiest of new years in '09!

Alright boys, take us outta here.

To all

Everyone, have a great Christmas. Or should I say....Kirkmas?

That's right, the guy sporting the dirty trucker look picks up another year tomorrow.

Picks for the final week are NOT, underline not, due tomorrow! If NFL.com is right, all games are on Sunday.

Uh, for the record, he doesn't usually look like that.

The Story So Far

It was getting late. The frost on the inside of the car was battling for cold-nuisance supremacy with the ice chunks on the outside of the car. I started 'er up, the transmission reluctantly clunking into gear. I checked my watch, which the cold had now fused to my wrist. There was still time.

I had to get moving. I eased into traffic as best I could, avoiding a quartet of penguins and a lone polar bear, all of whom looked quite at home on 60th Street. I made a mental note to check with the zoo about this. Using my new razor-sharp Arctic driving skills, I rode the clutch and slipped the car forward at funny angles to combat the awful traction. So far so good.

By the time I reached the freeway, traffic had slowed to a crawl, probably because of the igloos that had mysteriously appeared on the on-ramp. I made a mental note to check local zoning ordinances, and carefully eased the car past an Inupiat family hanging out its laundry.

Traffic got better until around 37th street, where again we stalled due to the 5:45 trans-Siberian train crossing. I made a mental note to find out how this city finally acquired rail transit and checked the car's temperature gauge. It just laughed at me.

I made up a little time from there, despite being relentlessly passed by aggressive sled-dog teams and their mushers, all clad in six or seven layers of Gore-Tex.

Home was now close. I reached my parking spot and shut everything down. It was now just a quick walk across a patch of frozen tundra and I'd be able to...BAM! I had been run down by the Packers's kick-coverage team. They apparently mistook me for the guy they were actually supposed to tackle. I made a mental note to find out how many times that had happened this season, and tried to make my now-numb fingers work the key enough to open the lock, losing precious time in doing so. I stumbled through the door, tracking snow all over the place, and checked the clock. Too late.

I was not going to get my picks in on time.

So what's your story?

It had to happen sometime. After 11 years, I didn't get my picks in until the despised Thursday night game was well underway. I docked myself the requisite 16, and that, as they say, was that.

Congratulations to Dan Franklin, who had no such issues and wins the weekly jackpot in the second-to-last week of our season. As for the rest of us, Radar indicates there might be more snow on the way.

Crap.

More on Wednesday.

The Answer is Yes

It being Wednesday, you already know what the question was.

And now, here's a picture of a sign.

Wherefore art thou Romeo?

Undoubtedly this was the question Dean and Marlene must have been asking themselves tonight. As they often do (and they think I don't notice these things), they put 16 on the 'dog on Monday night, and accumulated enough points in the other 15 games to be within striking distance of winning the week. Unfortunately, they needed the Browns, and needing the Browns is like needing the Packers to pass rush. Or winter to not be cold.

Gina Mittnacht tonight can be found in the spare bedroom as she edged out husband Joe for the Week 14 prize. "It's okay Joe," she was overheard saying sweetly. "You're still much better than me at drying dishes."

Gina's also keeping things interesting for Team Sanders, as she trails them by only a point overall. Just three weeks remain and this thing is very much up for grabs, with probably six of you having a realistic shot at finishing in the money.

As for the rest of us, all we can do is give our honest effort the rest of the way...and start thinking about college basketball. Watch this. It's cool.

Reminder

Hope you're doing what you can to enjoy the holidays. Friendly reminder here about the game tomorrow night, meaning picks are due by about 5 pm (CST) Thursday.

Tulloch Wins, Fox Needs Ratings Boost, Film at 11

The NFL world was rocked by the news that Rick Tulloch has won Week 14, edging Pete Graber and Kelly Larum (never heard of her) by a mere point. Rick only got six of his fifteen minutes of fame, though, before the NFL was further rocked by the news that Vikings owner Zygi Wilf has a really bad mustache (this link best clicked from places other than work or the kids' room).

I mean, rolling a live video feed from a locker room full of sweaty guys who just played a football game. What could possibly go wrong?

Ah, it brings back fond memories of Super Bowls past, especially that one where Janet Jackson had really bad makeup.

Good times, good times.

So once again, congratulations to Rick, and for those of you in the Milwaukee area, we return you now to continuous coverage of the light sleet that is falling live from the Mega-Doppler 5000 Storm Watch Team Headquarters. That's right folks, it's getting really bad out there tonight so if you're driving down to the corner Walgreen's or whatever, be sure to pack a shovel, extra blankets, sand, salt, nutmeg, a flashlight, a reading light, a night light, and The Carpenters' Greatest Hits.

Reminder

Second snow day of the season. Anyone else ready to call it a winter?

Picks picks picks. Due tomorrow by 5pm, owing to the hated Thursday night game.

Condolences

Just a quick one tonight.

First, congratulations to Aaron on win #2 this season.

Second, I learned earlier today that Nadine Sanders' (of Team Sanders, the current overall leaders in the pool) mom passed away yesterday. I thought it would be good to let Nadine and Joe know that even over here in our tiny little football pool, we're thinking of them.

Have a good (what's left of the) week.

Happy Thanksgiving

Turkey Week

So now we've got our ridiculous on.

Week 12 is an ugly memory, but not for everyone. Once again, a mighty wind blows from the direction of Camp Gullo as he runs off with this week's trophy. This makes three times this year. One more win and he has to take this thing over next year.

Meanwhile, some people can't think of a better way to commemorate the pardoning of a Thanksgiving turkey than by conducting a TV interview in front of a turkey grinding machine, and the market drops 500 points every time Hank Paulson takes an Advil. And I guess I don't need to mention to Pack fans that above is what Drew Brees saw every time he read the Packers' defense. Except the Atari 2600 guys are a little faster than our Atari.

It's enough to make you want a drink.

CONVENIENTLY (you knew this was next), I can help you with that. If you are free tomorrow night, take the edge off with a few of your co-conspirators at a little happy hour at Hotel Metro, 411 E. Mason Street, starting around 6:30 or 7-ish. There are two bars at Metro, one on the top floor and one on the bottom. If the top is open, we'll be there. If not, we're on the bottom level. If we're in neither place, it means you're running very late.

So to recap: Ridiculous. Bill Gullo congrats. Atari. Nadine/Joe winning overall. Jerry Z looking at Roo award. Happy hour.

Peace out and have a great Thanksgiving.

Ponch says...

"Ahem. Your picks are due Thursday by about 5 p.m., due to yet another (get used to it) mid-week game. Pittsburgh and somebody. This means you!"

The Good and The Bad

Sunday was great. After the warm fuzzy of a kickin' Packer victory subsided, the attention of this household turned to that make-believe football stuff we do.

Kelly's not happy. After her white-knuckle trip home last night, she reminded me that her once-dominant overall lead has followed a Dow Jones-like trajectory over the last few weeks. She is now on the wrong end of a six point gap to the regular contenders (and perhaps skillful short-sellers) the Sanderseseses.

I'm not happy either. Those of you who play fantasy football know this truth. If your bench nearly outscores your starters, there are two possibilities. One is that yours is the strongest team in the league. If that is not the case, and it most definitely is not with me, then the other possibility is that it is time to take your unparalleled management skills to, say, maybe the Chrysler Corporation.

My god. They have a club for these things.

With this in mind, I swapped football for basketball last evening at the Bradley Center, where not only did Marquette defeat Chicago State, but the NCAA revealed its new pay-by-the-foul referee compensation system. The game concluded just in time for breakfast this morning, which may explain why this update is so late.

Last but not least: one guy who must be happy this week is Paul Seifert, of the Waukesha Seiferts, who held off Kristen Kaz and the aforementioned Team Sanders for the weekly jackpot. Congratulations to Paul. Your economic stimulus check from Smoove will be in the mail shortly.

Have a good week.

Reminder

Just a friendly reminder to get your picks in by 5 p.m. (CST) on THURSDAY. Jets at Patriots Thursday night.

Week 10 goes to 11.

Musings from Weak Week 10 in football:

Whenever a football player flops or otherwise exaggerates a minor shove in hopes of drawing a penalty flag, Tony Kornheiser (and other barely-qualified color commentators) inform us that "that should have gotten an Academy Award!" No it shouldn't. If they clearly see that a flop took place, the acting by definition must have been terrible.

So the Cardinals are a decent team, it seems. However, their long-suffering fans tonight seem a little puzzled about how to handle it. A few have face paint, some are looking for Rod Tidwell, and the rest are getting all up in the camera and mouthing the words "Yeah baby! Number....number.....uh, one? One! Number one baby!"

Hyphenated last names are all the rage in the NFL these days. Therefore I ask that you refer to me as Joe Wiesner-Tufnel for the rest of the season, which I think is fitting, because this football pool goes to 11. As does Kelly's overall lead, which she maintains, but her margin has shrunk considerably.



Dreadlocks are in too, I noticed. Anyone want to give that a shot? Mr Tulloch?

Alright, I'm stalling. Didn't want to deal with Mason Crosby's "plenty of leg but wide right", but there it is. There's only minimal comfort in knowing that in this NFC North, the Detroit Lions might just be in this thing at the end.

Props, congratulations, and kudos to Aaron "10-4 Good Buddy" Lytle on his victory this week. I don't get to see Aaron nearly often enough, but he and lovely wife Erika were here this weekend and it occurred to him that he had not paid his entry fee yet. "Well" he said, "this'll be the weekend that I win." Now, for those of you who haven't yet anted up, that has NEVER worked before so don't get any ideas.

Have a great week, everyone.

Friggin' NFL Network Season Begins

It was just called to my attention that there is a game tomorrow night, Thursday. Denver at Cleveland (tip o' the hat to James Peters for the reminder). That means picks are due by dinnertime tomorrow...don't wait!

Good night and good luck.

Today's Headlines

Today was a day of the long and trying variety. It was not helped at all by Toyota and their gratuitous abuse of what once was an okay song. They should consider switching to this one:



Or maybe the line "I'm used to the lies they're selling me" doesn't move Tundras. Fun to try once, though.

In other news (news you actually do care about):

Joel Van Kylen takes first for the first time since the last week of the season before last. Did you get all that? Congratulations to JVK.

For the politically curious, voting has just concluded in Dixville Notch, NH: Obama 15, McCain 6.

For the politically insatiable, Yahoo Answers wants you to read about the 2012 election.

Please tell me you didn't click on that link. I will turn this car around right now.

Pete Graber has come between my wife and me. Damn you Pete Graber! Kelly's overall lead shrinks a bit, to 25.

Bill Gullo did NOT win this week. An investigation is pending.

Everyone, have a great week.

Breaking

This is a little off-topic, but in case you missed it, apparently regular-season play in the NBA has begun. Details are very sketchy at this time, and we are seeking eyewitnesses. Check back for more on this developing story.

Comin' to you over the "series of tubes"...

I'm still not used to the idea of American football being played at Wembley in London, as we had yesterday for the second straight year. I really should learn to speak British.

The winner of Week 8, for the second time this season, is one Bill Gullo. At this rate we're going to have to name an airport or something after him. There's one in Anchorage that might be freeing up, come to think of it.

Okay, so there's some business to take care of. I've gotten desperate emails or calls nearly every Sunday this season about getting picks in late. I'm mostly okay with that, although getting your picks in on time, like reading, is fundamental. One thing I will not do is accommodate requests to "just give me all the favorites in random order" or stuff like that. You must actually make picks. If you don't, your request will be refused with extreme prejudice. I may also tell your mom.

And scare you too:



Oh, snap!

Happy Halloween everyone.

You May Ask Yourself

You may find yourself...in first place.
You may find yourself...behind the wheel of a Chrysler automobile
You may find yourself...in Green Bay Wisconsin
At Shopko
In the ladies' unmentionables department
And you may ask yourself...well, how did I get here?

Those of you who have been in this for awhile know that every year about this time, Green Bay's own Sarah Schneider rises from not-yet-frozen tundra to claim her own. Always around midseason, almost without fail, she turns over a winning hand. History repeats. Congratulations to Sarah.

In case you were wondering why we're channeling the Talking Heads tonight, something occurred to me the other day, and now I can't shake my suspicion. We never saw Bruce Wayne and Batman together...or Spiderman and Peter Parker. And what about David Byrne and Ted Thompson?



Next week, tune in as Ted sings "Life During Wartime".

Meanwhile, the shy, spotlight-shunning wife of the party, Kelly Wiesner, remains number one with a bullet in the standings. Her 38 point lead over her nearest pursuit (Dan Franklin) at the end of Week 7 (still fairly early) may be unprecedented in Smoove history. I can't explain it. I mean, her fantasy team isn't doing well at...ack! I wasn't supposed to tell you that. Gotta go!

Your Mother Was A Hamster...

So here we are, six weeks into the season, and Kelly suddenly appears at the parapet of the castle wall, peers at you with disdain, and says in her best French accent "You children of a silly person! I will now taunt you a second time."

You know what happens when the commissioner's wife wins the weekly jackpot two of six weeks, don't you? That's right, the smear campaign has started.

From Stellick (2nd place this week, no $$): "Abuse of power!"
From Dean and Marlene (3rd place, no $$): "Joe is a terrorist! And has a funny name!"
From J-Z (4th place, no $$): "Uh, thanks man, for, uh, getting my late picks in."

Kelly remains our overall leader this week, with a sizable (for this early in the season) lead of 24 over Dan Franklin. The Roo Award leader at this point remains my brother Jon, but the Vegas insiders aren't willing to offer odds on this one yet.

In case anyone is curious, and I am sure there are many of you, this here link will take you to the finances worksheet. Of particular interest is the "Balance" column, where a negative number indicates I.O.U. and a positive number means U.O. ME.

That's the update for this week. I now ride off into the sunset, banging two coconuts together.

Crisis Management

*Tap*tap*tap*

Is anyone still out there? After the kind of weekend we had in Wisconsin sports, the only ones still out on the streets are investment bankers looking for the odd bailout million or two, if you can spare it, brother. The last three weeks I've cribbed the weekly update partly from the news headlines. I'm going to stop that. The first three times our 401Ks were sliced by 10% were funny, but now it's getting kind of serious.

As I write this, the Vikings have just won and we therefore have a tie for first - a three-way, no less (leave it alone Roo). So we go to the tiebreaker, and the point total of 57 tonight leaves us with one party out (sorry Laurie) but yet another tie. There is no second tiebreaker, so Team Marlene-Dean and my sister Amy will split the pot this week (congratulations to both).

Fittingly, today is Amy's birthday, and while I won't tell you how old she is, I will say she was once 37.

I am now a dead man. Does anyone want to take this over next week?

Monday Night Panic II

*Tap*tap*tap*

Is this thing on? Okay. First things first.

Even better for discouraged Packers fans is that C.C. Sabathia has indicated he may be able to go in Aaron Rodgers' place on short rest Sunday.

Meanwhile, here's Peter Graber's electrocardiogram as Jeff Reed of the Steelers lined up and hit the game winning field goal in overtime tonight vs. Baltimore:

Now where else have I seen that picture today?

Anyway, week four in the pool ended with hard-luck Pete and the wildly unpredictable Bill Gullo in a tie for first. BUT, and this is a really big but, the MNF total score tiebreaker, to which most of us barely give a second thought, was the difference in Bill's favor tonight. So congrats to Wild Bill on taking this week's jackpot. Anyplace in particular you might be investing those winnings, Bill? I heard tech stocks are hot.

I am really sorry about the "great big but" remark. It's late.

Tune in next week, if there is a next week, when my sister Amy will be using this space to deliver a major foreign policy address. She's in Bremerton, Washington, keeping an eye on Canada for us. Till then, good people. Go Brewers!!

By The Numbers

Sometimes I read the news and the weekly update just writes itself.

-Cost of upcoming bailout of Wall Street companies: $1 Trillion+.
-Extra amount Joe Mittnacht can put toward bailout by winning week three: $50
-Cost of Jerry Jones' new Texas Stadium: $1.2 Billion
-Number of Death Stars that can dock there: 2
-Days until the season premiere of The Office: 3
-First place Kelly's overall lead over the Sanderses after three weeks: 8
-Wins for first-year coach Tony Sparano of the Dolphins: 1

"Good t'ing we won. I'd hate to hafta do an intervention, you know, to da back of some official's head. Now get me Tom Brady's gooma."

Hope you enjoyed this brief foray into sports, sci-fi, pop culture, and high finance. Tune in next time as we mash-up quantum mechanics, Tony Kornheiser's non-sequiturs on MNF, and homemade carrot cake. Congratulations to Joe M for his hard-fought victory this week, and to all, have a great week.

Panic

Apart from a very satisfying yet terrifying Packer victory, not a lot has gone right the last few days.



Profuse apologies in advance to any fans of The Smiths, but didn't the lyrics go something like this?

They're panicked on Wall Street in New York
Panic in the halls of the Federal Reserve
I wonder to myself
What will become of my retirement fund?

The Lehman Brothers have gone belly-up
I wonder to myself
My wife thinks the economy's f****d up
But Honey Pie, you just made fifty bucks
So watch out for Rick Tulloch
Before he runs us out of town

It's always a delicate matter to announce that the wife of the commissioner has won the week and, for good measure, also moved into first place overall. But I can assure you (especially you newcomers) that there never have been any shenanigans, hooliganism, cronyism, jingoism, oil lobbyists, or investment bankers associated with this football pool. With the Dallas win tonight, Kelly edges Rick straight up, by a point.

Your next opportunity to make back the first 50 of whatever you lost here on Black Monday is already around the corner. Be on the lookout for falling stockbrokers, Lions fans, and the Brewers' coaching staff. Note to Matt Millen: Ned Yost is available, if that's helpful to you.

Where's My One?

With the cancellation of Baltimore @ Houston, everything you had ranked from that game on down should have moved up one.

Houston to be Rocked Like a Hurricane

...and for this reason, the Ravens-Texans game has been moved to Monday night. The tiebreaker game will be the originally scheduled MNF game, Philadelphia at Dallas. Just so you know.

The Daley Tattler

Hello everyone. I began writing this late Monday night, well before the end of the Broncos-Raiders games, certain of the outcome of that particular game. You've heard the term "safe as houses"? Well, that term doesn't count for much these days, so I'm replacing it with "safe as beating Oakland". The Broncos will beat the Raiders. The Raiders will beat the Raiders. My late grandmothers could run an effective zone blitz on the Raiders...while knitting.

So all that went down as expected, and we're left with two rookies dominating Week One, 2008.

In first is James Peters, who wins the Freshman 50. Looking back at the last several seasons, for whatever reason, first timers in this thing seem to get their money back almost instantly. James and I work together, so I know he understands well that things are rarely this easy.

In second this week is a former colleague, John Daley.

No no no, not that John Daley. Sorry. Our John Daley only smokes unfiltered Lucky Strikes. No, John and I go back to my days at Miller Brewing (now the MillerCoorsPiperJaffrayFedExBoeing joint venture), and remains a good friend.

As per usual requirements for rookie winners, James will be required to post a short bio within a few days...or one will be written for him.

Now, as for paying out cash money, you'll notice that our group has shrunk a bit, to 27 players. At this level it kind of doesn't make sense to pay out two winners a week (sorry John), as that would only leave token amounts for the overall winners at the end. So here's the math this time around:

Total pool: 27 players @ 50 = 1350

Weekly prize: 50 x 17 weeks = 850

This leaves 500 to divide amongst the overall winners. I propose:
250 for first
150 for second
75 for third
The usual 25 for the person who gets picks in every week but finishes with the worst point total overall. We fondly call this the Roo Award.

Anyone not in favor of this arrangement, please let me know. The Complaint Department is staffed daily (get it?) by Captain Haircut pictured above.

As always, I will for the most part pay out all winnings at the end of the season, which saves me check writing. Exceptions are gladly made upon request, or if I see you and happen to have the cash on me.

So welcome back everyone, and enjoy the season. I'll leave you tonight with this quotable from the NFL's youngest coach, Lane Kiffin of the Oakland Raiders:

"Oh f--k."

It's starting

Just a reminder to all y'all.  First game is Thursday evening, Sept 4.  Getcha picks in.

Baby, Let Us Begin Again

While returning from a nice trip out to Seattle the other night, I ran out of my own reading material. This does not happen often, and I was forced to make the regrettable choice of reading Sky Mall, conveniently located in my seatback pocket. Somewhere between the inflatable TV's and the Hammacher-Schlemer Marshmallow Shooter, I smacked my forehead. Pretty hard. Partly because of what I'd been reading, and partly because I had just realized that it's August. LATE August. Which means it's time to get Smooved.

The Friends of Smoove B confidence football pool returns now for its 11th season. Just think of how young we all were when this started. Depressed now? Good. Time to channel that pain into something constructive, like gambling.

The rules, dues, website, and the players remain more or less the same as last year. What attrition we have will likely be offset by the addition of a newbie or two, to whom I will give the full spiel as to how this is played.

Those of you who were in this last year don’t need to do anything other than check your account at CBS Sportsline and update whatever needs updating. Those of you who wish to get out, that's fine. Please let me know, but before you do, just remember how much your mother and I have given up for you all these years.

As always, your $50 entry is good for the season. Weekly payouts of $50 for first and a to-be-determined amount for second will be the rule; season-long payouts are determined by player count.

The season begins Thursday night, September 4th, and picks for Week One will therefore be due late Thursday afternoon.

Entry fees will be gratefully accepted when you see me, or at the address in the email I'm about to send you.

Oh by the way, what's all this **** about Brett Favre playing for the Jets this season? Sure be nice if the local news would cover this kind of stuff.

Damn.

March Recap

Just a quick note of congrats to the winning Friends of Smoove B in the recently-concluded NCAA Bracket Pool. They are, in order of importan, er, place of finish:

1. Anita "Power Conference" Gregory: 150
2. Amy "Pac-10" Dunn: 75
3. Joe "6 inch Vertical Leap" Wiesner: 25

Each of us rode Kansas to the money. Indeed, without KU we'd be three more anonymous finishers, wondering where the last three weeks, our money, and the gravy went. Checks are in the mail.

Speaking of being out a few bucks, I still need to collect from a few of you. Now, given the fact that our local postal carrier often delivers mail to me that is mangled, two months late, and someone else's, I wouldn't be shocked if a check or two didn't quite reach me. Let me know if you think you may be such a victim. Here are the financials:

http://spreadsheets.google.com/pub?key=pEpe6bm2gfo6PQ4TV8t9CBg

Thanks for playing. Till football season...

Maheegs and Roo up top. Anonymous at the bottom.

Yo.

With rounds one and two behind us, it's probably high time I let you know what you can win.

Last year we had 33 players and I paid out something to the top four spots. With 25 this year, it will be the top 3 that get a little somethin-somethin for their prognosticating prowess, vision, and/or blind luck.

1: 150
2: 75
3: 25

There are no tiebreakers so winnings will be divided as far as they go. In other words, if four of you tie for first overall, then all four of you get 62.50 (250 divided by 4).

By the way, that's not me you see in last place. No siree.

Comments are welcome, as always. Your entry fees, if you have not already gotten them in, are even more welcome!

http://spreadsheets.google.com/pub?key=pEpe6bm2gfo6PQ4TV8t9CBg

Bill's conscience is bothering him.

From Guest Columnist Gullo:

"Dang. What the heck happened to the Pats? Uh so nevermind my previous blog..."

I didn't have the heart to remind him that his Favre prediction didn't quite pan out either.

Always late, but never ever never

It's been a fairly frantic 2008 so far, between starting a new job (the kind where you get paid every couple weeks, sort of nice), the acquisition of our first real dining room table, and midnight runs to the grocery store to replenish chips and salsa rations that are always running dangerously low. So with a scant four days remaining until Selection Sunday, let us get ourselves signed for the NCAA mens' basketball tournament bracket pool. SmooveB himself has been incommunicado since the NFC championship game, but as always, I'll fill in as best I can as Commissioner.

You all know how this works. Start filling out a bracket. Gnash teeth over which 5/12 seed upset will pan out. Hold nose and pick Duke for the Sweet 16. Our bracket will be managed by Yahoo, as usual, with their nifty scenario generator. By adding yourself to the group, you agree to cough up ten bucks to me. In turn, I agree to pay out the pool of cash money at the end of the tournament, with payouts determined by number of players.

Here's the link you need:

http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/t1/register/joinprivategroup_assign_team?GID=48988&P=seashells

You'll be asked for a password. It's "seashells" (without the quotes).

Entry fees can be sent to me at 2005 N. Commerce St, Milwaukee, 53212.

Other items:

-Handy links to pool finances and other stuff can be found at right.

-When you sign in on the Yahoo group, feel free to use whatever "team name" you can come up with, but at some point I have to be able to identify you. If I can't, you may get booted.

Welcome!

Insult Of The Day

"You sounded like Dolly Parton on helium."
-Simon Cowell

Guest Columnist Bill Says...

Roo Award Winner Bill Gullo and I were just trading e-mails about the importance of the Super Bowl®, sponsored by, like, everybody (I know you've heard about this game), and what history will say about the soon-to-be 19-0 Patriots.

Bill says:

But really just sit an think about it for a minute, a football team that has won every game! When the heck will that happen again? Its going to be something no one should miss, it’ll be where were you when that happened type event. You’ll be telling your grandkids, ya I remember when a team in the greatest sport in the world, the NFL, went and won every game including the Superbowl. Where the team of destiny call the New England Patriots calmly drove the length of the field to win the game in a final 4th and goal with being tackled but getting the pass off, Tom Brady to a tip-toe catch by the outstretched arms of one Randy Moss. They’ll see the glint of happiness in your eye, and hurry to operate their retina controlled YouTube archive that has an embedded TV in their eyes and hyper wireless connections to the local super server station, to review the main event, that is the Superbowl of 2008. Do yourself a favor and don’t miss this historic event. Besides next year the coveted Brettius Favreius will return to keep the Packers competitive and in the hunt, well at least until the temp drops to zero. :) Print that.

Verbatim. Now Bill and I will both see if anyone's still reading.

Can I Get A 'HELL YEAH'?

Courtesy of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer

Note on Payouts

I forgot to mention the other day that if you're curious as to whether your check is in the mail, the financials page has this information for you. A negative number in the Balance column signifies that I owe YOU.

This here link will take you there. Yep.

One Look Back

Wake up! The BCS is on! You're missing it! What's that? You don't care?

Time to wrap up the Friends of Smoove B pool for another season. Hard to fathom how quickly this always goes. I will try to be brief here, and considerably more relevant and interesting than, say, the Indpendence Bowl, featuring Some State U vs. the University of Haven't Played In Two Months.

First, I'd like to give myself a pat on the back for scoring big in week 17. I'm not talking about the pool; I'm referring to the one year subscription to Rhapsody that Kel gave me for christmas. Yeah, I won week 17 too, but you know what they say about blind squirrels and nuts.

Congratulations to Sarah Schneider, who in Week 17 not only took second based on a tiebreaker with Jim Newman, but also caught three passes for 70 yards as the Packers third string beat the Lions up on the tundra. And Newman! Where are you anyway? (see below).

It's payback time. I am warming up my checkbook (which is at this time trying to hide under the couch). As discussed earlier this season, here's who gets what:

Win: Jim Wiesner. Jim took the lead in week two and never gave it up. You may have noticed his name never appeared in the Mitchell Report, indeed, he won the whole thing without the benefit of HGH, andro, EPO, or anything else you'd be likely to find in the Roger Clemens Omelet at IHOP. Jim has been known to inhale sugar cookies, for what it's worth. $175.

Place: Rick Tulloch. That's MISTER Under-The-Radar to you. Throughout the season, Rick has been a model of consistency, showing himself only to claim 2nd in Week 15 before stealthily returning to his vigil in the distant hamlet of Racine. Rick never sleeps. He waits. $135.

Show: The Lannings. Chad returned refreshed after a season away in 2006 and sprinted to third place overall. The big mystery is where he was last season. He claims to have been starting up his own law firm. But some intelligence sources put his whereabouts in the California desert. Still others wonder about all the black SUVs in his driveway. And no one knows why he has been demanding, repeatedly, that his receptionist "get him the schematics. And a hacksaw!" Curious. $75.

The Roo Award: This award has had several names in the past. It is now named for its original winner, much like the Lombardi Trophy. Whoever scores the fewest points overall without missing picks in any week receives $25 and a framed printed story about Texas, signed and numbered by Roo himself. This year's recipient is the unstoppable Bill Gullo.

The Commish will be out $100 when the payouts are completed this week. Messrs. Newman and Graff: I still need your entry fees. If they were sent at some point, email me and let me know the particulars. Our postal carrier here is about as reliable as John Malan.

So that's about it. I may post stuff here as the mood strikes, especially if, no, WHEN we get the March Madness pool going in a couple months. If you're so inclined, check out the links at right for blog subscription info. A nifty free service I use called Feedburner will email subscribers a copy of stuff that gets posted here automatically. Another option, which is even cooler, is adding the feed from this site to a custom reader service like Google Reader or My Yahoo. You geeky types can learn more about this stuff here, if you don't already know all about it.

Thank you all for being in the pool this season, and a sincere Happy New Year to you and yours. Peace out.