The Bell Lap

Sarah is usually good for two or three consecutive wins early in the season. Whether that is skill, luck, or proximity to the Center of the Football Universe I do not know, but this was the year that almost got away from Our Lady of the Frozen Tundra.  Not quite though.  Sarah edges Rich on the tiebreaker thanks to the track meet Monday night in New O and thus guarantees herself, at worst, a breakeven season.

So this is it.  One more time around before we settle in for a long winter's nap.  The season's last hurrah is Sunday, with, notably, ALL the games being played Sunday.  So no need to panic tomorrow about getting picks in, unless panic is your thing, and if so I've got all kinds of great stuff for you to panic about.

Probably four or five of you have realistic shots at the money spots, and McCravens, despite that unintentionally hilarious move of putting 16 on the Colts only to see them win, still has the easiest path to the Roo Award.

The finance department would like to interject: Tim Mitchell has already been paid his winnings via Dwolla.  Not pimping Dwolla here.  Just sayin how much cooler it is to press a button to pay you as opposed to buying stamps.

Because a December where I forget to take a cheap shot at the college football postseason is like Dick Cheney forgetting to down a jigger of Pennzoil with his corn flakes, do not forget to tune in to the Meineke Nobody Care Car Care Bowl at noon EST on Saturday.  Free mufflers to anyone who is still watching after the second quarter.

A very Happy New Year to all of you.  Be safe this weekend.

No, dummy! 30 tickets to the Outback Bowl for 12-pack of Diet Coke! What part of 'final offer' don't you understand?

It's All A Terrible Mess

Just a reminder that we have this week:

1. One Thursday night snoozefest
2. Many many games Saturday
3. Pack vs Bears Sunday
4. The Monday Night game

Please plan accordingly...and have a lovely, peaceful holiday, everyone.

Just When You Think You Know Something Else

After a few things broke my way Sunday at your expense, I concluded that this would be a good week to not say much.

Just When You Think You Know Something

Before we get into wonky stuff, I would congratulate Team Dean and Marlene on victory #2 this season.  I have to say, I'm a little disappointed, as this win was achieved without any of those crazy Monday Night ninja moves Dean is known for.  Nope, 10 on Seattle and close enough on the tiebreaker to beat Dan.  Not that any of you knows the final score of the St Louis vs. Seattle game.  My god.  Did John Gruden find anybody to gush over?  Did Ron Jaworski take a powder halfway through and go play catch with the fish guys at the Pike Public Market?  I would have.

This week's update is brought to you by the number 1374, and if you check the YTD standings, you'll see why.

I have a modest proposal for you, for those of you comfortable with sending and receiving money from an online bank you've probably never heard of.  Payouts are coming soon in the pool of Smoove, and I would not mind at all sending you $$ electronically.  PayPal is the elephant in this room, but they ding the recipient a significant percentage of the amount transferred.  I hate PayPal.

But I kind of dig this new Dwolla thing.  It works a lot like PayPal, but only with cash, that is, an EFT attached to your checking account.  No credit cards or anything like that.  Instead of a percentage, the total damage for sending money to someone is a quarter.  I could send you $50,000 via Dwolla and they'd charge me 25 cents.

To receive money, all you need is an email address.  Check it out.  If you're interested in this, let me know.  I'll pay the quarter when I send out your winnings.  I hate writing checks.  Sign up now and win a playoff-watching party with Ndamukong Suh for yourself, ten friends, and your physical therapist!

"Please, ref?  Pleeeeaaase?  Just one skull.  Let me stomp one guy's head.  Just one.  No?  How about his nuts?  Maybe just an arm?  Pretty please?"

 

 

Week Something-Or-Other

Here's a tip of the fedora to our good friend Roo, who probably gets more ink than most players in the pool.  It's usually for all the wrong reasons, of course, but not last weekend.  Roo defeated Rick in triple overtime and took home, figuratively, the weekly jackpot.

As you know, Roo moved to Pennsylvania at the beginning of the season and has had a couple months that even Andy Reid wouldn't trade for.  In addition to encountering housing issues, his new job apparently involves extensive hand-to-hand combat with cratefuls of live scorpions.  I suppose he could have been exaggerating (but he never does that).  In any case, I am happy we can send the boy a fifty-bone lifeline.  That should buy him a few six-packs of quality brew, or a few cases of Iron City if he's trying to get in good with the townies.

Do keep in mind that the Thursday train rolls on - coincidentally, Pittsburgh hosts Cleveland - and you'll be wantin' to do them there picks before quitting time tomorrow.

Hell Of A Season For Guys Named Aaron

If Dean is our resident ninja, unseen and unheard except for the couple times a year he emerges to sweep your knees, pocket the spoils, and vanish again, Aaron is the Category 5 hurricane inexorably churning through the waters, rolling everything and everyone in his way.  If he keeps up his current pace we're going to have to get him his own bobblehead.

"I'm Aaron Lytle and you're not"

With five weeks left in the season, several things are clear.  We have obvious contenders for both the top spot and the Roo Award.  Roo has a legitimate shot at the Roo Award.  There is no US Embassy in Iran.  This chick could do better.  And I am up way too late to be writing stuff.

As usual, there is a game tomorrow night, so get those picks in.  Enjoy the rest of your week.

Nostalgia

It's almost Thanksgiving here in the football pool head office, and I'm feeling a little wistful for days gone by.  Days when we were young and uninjured enough to play football on T-day.

Days when I'd never heard of Turducken (until today, I truly thought Turducken was a John Madden invention.  Turns out it's not, and it further turns out that the creation of this product makes me about as queasy as the name itself).

Days when stores opened for Black Friday at the completely reasonable hour of, you know, 4:00 a.m.

Days when people wouldn't start camping in Best Buy's parking lot until, say, late tomorrow instead of, you know, right now.

Hats off to Tim Mitchell, winner of this thing last weekend.  113 is a nice count, and he needed every one of those points.  There are 25 of us in the pool and the top 22 were all within 13 points of our winner.  True story.  I am sure that's never happened before.

The obligatory reminder: please get those picks in!  Three games on Thursday (that's now today where I am). And of course.....have a great holiday.  Be safe.  Be cool.

Urquhart Uber Alles

Quick note of congratulations to Ben, who not only won the....hang on....Aaron Rodgers just threw another touchdown pass....ok....Ben not only won the week, but he has also assumed the position.  The one where he's leading everybody else for the season-long jackpot.  That position.

This week's update is brought to you by my new favorite twitter feed (for the next few minutes), the Bad Jersey Blog.  Any Catholics reading may be interested to learn that the Messiah has really crappy seats at Mile High Stadium.

Anyway.  Enjoy the rest of your week and keep your head up.  Rodgers may be about to throw you a touchdown pass and you'll look silly if the pass doinks off your hands and into the coffee cup of the guy in the next cube.

Spot The Ninja

Question: Can you find Dean Pattow in this picture?

Answer: No. You cannot.

You do not see, hear, or otherwise sense Dean, even when he's near.  If he wishes his presence to be known, that is his choice.

Chuck Norris has never seen Dean.

He and Marlene executed to perfection their 16-on-the-Monday-dog (patent pending) play this past weekend, emerging from the weeds at the last possible moment to surprise Amy, Roo, and Aaron.  The strategy does not always pay off, of course, but what is past is prologue.  It has happened before.  It will happen again.  You will not see it coming.

And now....this important notice.  Thursday games and 30 degree temperatures have arrived.  Neither is welcome as far as I'm concerned....your mileage may vary (especially if you have NFL network)....but Thursday rules must now kick in.  Your pick for tomorrow's game is due either one or two hours before game time - I can never remember which.  You can do all picks now, of course, or if you need to, the rest can be done before the normal deadline.

Good night, and good luck.

Diana > Kim

All the carnival barkers can talk about this week is the dissolution of the Kardashian/Humphries union after ten whole weeks.  Traditional marriage at its finest.  What the paparazzi are ignoring, of course, is my sister-in-law Diana, our resident rookie, who got her first taste of the victor's spoils by edging Mrs. Commish by a solitary point last weekend.  My brother Jim and I are both exceedingly proud of, and very committed to, our lovely wives, and no, we were not told to say that.

Speaking of commitment, or better yet, being committed, Kelly is a little more competitive than most of you probably know.  She gets a little chapped when she just misses out on a win.  So as the Monday night game ended, I found I was to be the messenger and I therefore prepared to stare down both barrels.

12:00 a.m. two nights ago
She (mumbling, stirring from her slumber while I get ready for bed): Who won?
Me: The Chiefs.
She: Did I win? Did I win?!
Me: No, but you were right there in second.
She: [contemplative silence]
Me: Everything ok hon?
She: I lost! Aaaaaagh!
[I spent the next several minutes under attack by a blonde wielding a stuffed penguin]
Me: Hey!  What the...?
She: I lost! Aaaaaagh!
Me: Yeah, but you did great.  Maybe next w-
[I spent the next several minutes being repeatedly poked in the ribs]
She: I lost! Aaaaaagh!
Me: It's gonna be okay. If you just-
[I spent the next half hour listening to disparaging rants about Bill Belichick's soup-stained hoodie]
Me: Um, I think I'll keep quiet.
She: Smart guy.  Night night.

Hey, for any and all who might be interested....little old birthday happy hour this Friday night after work at The Rumpus Room (cool name), an English style pub that replaced Eagan's in downtown Milwaukee.  Cheers.

Uhhh, huh huh.

Not much time to write stuff this week.  So this will be incredibly short and to the point.  Holla at Mike McCravens, for winning last week.  Shout out to Aaron Lytle for being the sole member of the 700 Club, as he leads the overall horse race, closely pursued by Ben and Pete.  And thanks to Tim Mitchell (got your entry fee AND the note calling me a rat-bastard for winning two of three weeks.  I know it was said with affection).

What am I doing with my time this week? Uhhhh. Huh huh. This is cool..

Um, hey Butthead. Who is this Mike McCravens?

Uhhh, how should I know, dumbass?  He probably played bass in Winger or something.

 
 

Dancing With The Devil

Trolling Wikipedia for good examples of the Faustian Bargain revealed a marked lack of references to pro sports and office pools and such.  Plenty of stuff in there about musicians like Paganini and Robert Johnson, but not one mention of, for example, Tony LaRussa.  And it's obvious he not only sold his soul a few weeks ago, but also those of his kids, the two generations that follow them, his BMW, and a player to be named later.

All of which is a long way of saying I won again and there is no earthly way to account for it.  The Prince of Darkness must have quite the sense of humor, granting me the thrill of football pool victory and the agony of a half-inning of Shaun Marcum's pitching this past weekend.  I probably should have read the fine print on this deal.

After six weeks, we have a 600 club comprised of ten players.  Pretty nice.  The average weekly score last year was 87.6 points among those who never missed doing picks.  That number is a rather noticeable 97.5 so far this season.  I believe this significant for two reasons.  One, it's going to take a little more juice to win it all this year.  Two, I have sh*tload of things I should probably be doing and I am obviously stalling.

Tune in next week when Bears fans celebrate another victory by whomping Jay Cutler upside the head with a bat.  Seriously, what the hell.

Have a good week.

Finally Something We Can Agree On

First time I've ever seen 100% agreement while doing picks on CBS Sports.

So the question is, who will be the first to get behind Sam Bradford? Real opportunity here for...well, you know who you are.

Week 5 1/2

I kinda never got around to toasting Mr Van Kylen for the ass kicking he delivered last weekend.  Given all the tossups, I didn't think anyone would reach the century mark, but Joel did, and his cheese stands alone. 

So I'm in Door County, WI, and given that it's Thursday already, I figured I'd probably skip the update this week.  But then the rains came, and tourist options start getting pretty limited when that happens here.  We could walk around, but there's only one umbrella.  We could shop for jelly bellies and nautically-themed shirts, but I'm not feeling very whimsical.  We could have dinner really really early, but I'm not hungry and we don't have a 2001 Buick.  I could read up on the Brewers' postseason pitching strategy, but chewing on glass shards would be less painful.  That leaves catching up on the news, and writing.

Brandon Marshall plans to show more emotion in his next game (real headline in Yahoo Sports). How do you plan for something like that?

LeBron James might play football. Fine. Next.

Die Hard 5 comes out in 2013. Jeez. Next!

Here's something. It was revealed today that NBA Commissioner David Stern believes the traditional Christmas Day pro basketball games are now in jeopardy with the ongoing labor impasse.  So, you know, consider making other plans for that day. Can't imagine what.

"Happy Holidays!  Don't say I never gave you anything."

I'm Getting A Firebird

The time was autumn of 2007.  Year three of Bush's second term.  The iPhone 2 was a just a twinkle in Steve Jobs' eye.  Brett Favre hadn't even announced his first retirement yet.  And yes, it was the last time I sat in the winner's chair.  My win this week is rain after a Texas-style drought, so you'll forgive me if I....yes, here it is:



Still, maybe I got lucky and "just fell into a good situation".  Eh Brent?

No Thursday games this coming week, but the byes start, so there won't be 1's and 2's to pick.  And come Monday, if we're really really lucky, maybe Hank Williams Jr. will compare somebody else he doesn't like to Hitler and we won't be subjected to that grating MNF theme song.

Week 3

Shout this week to winner Paul Seifert.  He rides to victory on the leg of the Cowboys' Dan Bailey, who kicked something like 27 field goals on Monday night to beat the 'skins.

Paul is a Vikings fan who I am sure spent some part of last Sunday afternoon quietly contemplating where to stab himself with a #2 pencil.  As someone who endured that one year of Ray Rhodes as Packer head coach, I'd suggest the forearm, or maybe an ear if he's in good with a local audiologist.  Nevertheless, he can take comfort in being fifty bucks richer, and the fact his team plays the Chiefs at noon on Sunday and is already leading 7-0.

I am sorry to report that due to conference realignment, Syracuse, Pitt, and Roo have all left for the ACC.  Efforts are underway to keep Roo in the fold for football pool only.

Sorry for the lateness of this weekly note.  I was trying to get it done last night when I realized "I don't feel tardy." So I went to bed.



I don't how this damn song got in my head.

Deja Vu

For a summary of Week 2, 2011, in the Friends of Smoove B football pool, I refer you to this post from Week 2, 2010, in the Friends of Smoove B football pool.

Congratulations to Rick, who takes home both $50 and Jesse's Girl.

Now to the finances for this season.
Total pool: 25 (that's one MORE than last year, reversing a long stretch of attrition that left Smoove feeling a little less than, you know, smoove).

50 @ 25 = 1250
Weekly prize: 50 x 17 weeks = 850
This leaves 400 to divide amongst the overall winners. I propose:
250 for first
125 for second

As with last season, that's two places paying in January, plus the now traditional 25 for the Roo Award, which goes to the person who gets picks in every week but otherwise craters badly enough to finish dead last.

Speaking of Roo, who for whatever always gets some ink in Week Two, I have this announcement (cue the bugles).  The old boy is moving to, of all places, Pittsburgh.  Yinz beli've dat?



If you are able to join us for a little going away thing this coming Saturday night, please do. We will be at the Tosa Village Cafe Hollander sometime after 7:00 or so.  We'll have some snacks and tasty craft brews. We'll talk about all the things we love about Roo and all the things we hate about Pittsburgh.  A good time will be had by all.

En Fuego

It's the first recap of the season, and the first time I've written one of these with the acrid smell of a forest fire lingering just outside the door.

Congratulations right off to Aaron Lytle for a smokin' (get it?) performance in a bizarre opening weekend that saw an upset for each season-ending injury. Speaking of firsts, Aaron was nearly upstaged by the noob in our midst. Rookies don't come along every day, and I'd be remiss if I didn't introduce you to Diana, my sister in law, as she joins the circle of Friends of Smoove B. But most of you saw her name already, as she finished within a point of winning week #1. That's a little like hitting a double in your first major league at-bat and getting thrown out trying to stretch it to third. Anyway, Di is required to provide her bio at some point, as is our custom, or risk having one written for her.

By the way, guess who would have won for the third straight year on opening weekend had the Broncos beaten Oakland last night?

All in all, some true awesomeness in these 100+ scores in a tough week. Want to know what else is awesome? This is awesome.

Awesome, right? Like I said.

Will be back in a few days with the financial plan. Looks very similar to last season.

Huge Important Reminder!

It's after Labor Day!  So get back to work, pick your tomatoes, and STOP wearing white.

Also, don't forget your picks.

Obligatory Introductory Not Ready for The Season Post

I'm not ready.  You're not ready.  We've got baseball - relevant baseball! - to fret about (and I am doing that right now and every day until the Magic Number is 0).  But football is almost here and it demands your attention.  Time to consult the stars, read the grass blades, find your inner confidence pool sensei.  Whatever works.  The Friends of Smoove B football pool rides again.

If you've been with us in prior seasons, and if you're reading this, you probably were, you don’t need to do anything other than check your account at CBS Sportsline and update whatever needs updating. If you're new, here's the deal: you buy into the league for $50. Every week you assign a confidence value to each game being played, putting 16 on the game your most sure of and counting down from there to 1 (3 or 4 during bye weeks).

Payout for the weekly point winner is $50.  The runner-up gets an amount to-be-determined (might be zero) depending on the number of players.  You're also competing for high points overall.  Season-long payouts are TBD but I usually pay out the top three spots. I keep no commissioner fees or anything like that.

As for where to go with entry fees, my address is unchanged, but if you need it again, just send me an email or message on Facebook and I'll get it to you.

The season starts Thursday evening, September 8th. Picks are due two hours prior to the first game each week. I will do my best to remind you, especially before the Thursday games, but in the end, it's on you to hit the deadlines.

Please let me know if you are in or out.

Aside to Ben and Bill, Bears fans both, and the #1 and 2 finishers last season:  I've made my bargain with Satan.  Without getting into the exact terms of the deal, you both stand an excellent chance of repeating as money winners this year.  However, it figures to be another long year for Jay Cutler.  Just sayin.

End Times

MUCH has happened in the last couple weeks (sorry for forgetting last week; I failed to wish all of you a Happy New Year so I'm sure you sat around watching what remains of Dick Clark instead of going out. My bad.)

As feared, the apocalypse is nigh. First, Roo has won the Roo Award. At this writing, blinding light of unknown origin is being reported in New Berlin, WI, with some eyewitness reports that the phenomenon began in Roo's walk-in closet. Roo himself was seen hours ago wandering around his back yard, wearing only 20 year old Zubaz and mumbling incoherently at his electric meter. Oddly, the neighbors didn't find this unusual.

Then came this.



Not quite how anyone envisioned Brett going out, I'm sure. The moves aren't bad I guess, but they seem better suited to Trinity Irish Dancers.

On second thought, that's probably not a good idea either.

Here's more on The End. So, you know, get ready or whatever. For those of you who may be in the market for a poorly kept farmhouse on a compound in a very rural area, I predict many will be hitting the market May 21 at fire-sale prices. Financing available. You heard it here first.

And finally - if you weren't already quaking over the coming calamity - how's this for one? The two overall winners in the 2010 Friends of Smoove B football pool are both...god this is tough...Bears fans. Congratulations to Ben Urquhart (225) in first and the irrepresible Bill Gullo (100) in second. If there's a silver lining to all this, it comes from Bill himself, as he notes that being swamped by one of his own is a story worthy of an Elizabethan tragedy. Personally, I think he's overstating things a bit. If he wants tragedy, just wait till the Saints arrive at Soldier Field in a couple weeks.

I'd be remiss if I didn't heap a bit more scorn on Reuther, but before I do, a note of congratulations to Rick Tulloch, the final weekly winner of the season (Rick Roll'd again. He did this to us in week 17 last year too!), and to Laurie Sexton, who closed out her season winning weeks 11, 14, and 16.

Now back to Roo and those sheep....

Finances are now final and can be found here. It appears I need to collect entry fees from two (2) (dos) (zwei) of you. A positive number indicates U.O. Me and a negative number indicates I.O.U. Please register any disputes as soon as possible as I am about to dust off the checkbook and settle up on yet another fun filled football pool season.

Happy New Year to all...well, who am I kidding? Have a nice few months and I'll see you at the Restaurant At The End of The Universe in May.