Annual Swine Flu Edition

Congratulations to Kristin Kaczmarek this week, as she narrowly edged out Steve Krier for the weekly jackpot. The margin of victory here in the pool stands in stark contrast to the five or six silly-ass blowouts this past weekend. The Rams play at Detroit next weekend in the Toilet Bowl, with kickoff expected to instantly turn Ford Field into anti-matter.

Kristin will be interested to know that her last winnings in the Friends of Smoove B football pool came in October of 2006, back when we were all young and the world was new. If you ask how I know this, you clearly haven't seen me in my pocket protector. Anyway, great job Kmkaz.

It's only Tuesday, but people in my urban neighborhood are getting an early start on Halloween. Some guy dressed as Jay Cutler just tried crossing a busy street and got picked off. Ouch.

On a personal note, I'd like to send a love-o-gram out to all three AFC North teams that played last weekend on their accomplishments, or lack thereof. Keep up the good work, yo.

That is all for now. Please feel free to wash your hands as you exit this post, and have a great week.

You've Got Mail!

For those of you who thought the throwback thing jumped the shark last week when the Denver Broncos trotted out those stylish 1880's-era knickers, I have just one thing to say to you:

The past never dies. Click here to see something really funny! Promise!

Also, Bill Gates called and wants some help testing his new email tracker, plus there's a kid in Libya with four arms who needs your financial help. Let me know if you're interested in assisting with either of these.

Had enough throwback? Oh no you haven't.



That'll do. I don't want to give anyone nightmares.

Quick note of congratulations to this week's winner, Joe Mittnacht, who weathered the twin storms of the Jets losing and the Raiders winning, the latter apparently without any assault charges against their head coach. Nice job Joseph.

I return you now to 2009.

Not Going Anywhere For A While?

Between this pool and my fantasy league and whatnot, that was the gist of my football weekend. And with the Pack on a bye, all I could do was hope that Maurice Jones-Drew kicked ass against the Seahawks (he didn't), that the Rams showed up and kicked ass over the Vikings (they didn't), and that Tom Cable didn't show up to kick my ass for no apparent reason (he didn't).

Anyway, let's talk about something else, like baseball, where the Cleveland Browns defeated Buffalo, 6-3.

Maybe someone knows the business reason was for the Cubs bankruptcy declaration the other day. I've read the stories and still don't understand it. Or why the Yankees bother to deliriously celebrate their dearly-bought victories. It's sort of like GE execs high-fiving each other for being more profitable than Joe's Bait Shop.

Back to football, and plaudits go to my sister Amy out in the great Northwest for her ongoing, uncanny accuracy. So after hosting mom for the last week or so, she not only gets 50 bucks in winnings but also probably has the cleanest toaster in the Puget Sound region. Good job sis. At least YOU had a good weekend.

Have a good (remainder of the) week.

I need to stop beating this dead horse.

But The Onion has completely outdone itself this time.

One Night Ago....In A Dome Not Nearly Far Enough Away...

"The Metrodome...you'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."

"Darth Viking was a pupil of mine...before he turned to evil...."

That's no moon...it's Pat Williams."

Alright, so in times of trouble, some of us turn to booze. I opted for Star Wars. Sorry. It won't happen again. But I mean, seriously, how much am I supposed to take? Even this week's jackpot winner is Bill Gullo, a freeeekin Bears fan. Let me guess. The Twins probably won tonight. Yes? And what's that I hear outside? Oh, someone kicking puppies. Lovely.

To better times.